I use to be happy all the time, always fun always upbeat, I had a good life.
I know the exact date and time that changed. For 365 days I lived each minute to the next it was the only way I knew to survive.
But now, almost 7 years later I am still unhappy, discontented, down (some might say depressed, don't think I would argue), and just plan blah.
It is because I'm 7 years older? Is it because things really haven't changed? Is it because I am truly an unhappy, discontent, depressed and blah person?
Looking at my family, I am truly middle aged at 45. We are long lived people, 90 - 100 is the norm for us. I look back at the first 45 years of my life and I don't like it. I can pick out more bad than good. Divorce, death, injury, money issues, one drama or crisis after another. With just small glimpse of happiness.
Is this how life is? Is this normal?
Maybe the past is normal. Maybe I am just at that point in my life that everyone get to and this is just how things look, they really aren't as bad as my perspective makes them appear. Maybe this is normal and I'm suppose to ask myself why am I here, what do I want to do with my life, what purpose to I have.
Is it time to go find myself ? Whatever THAT means. (just sounds like bullshit to me)
